Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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