Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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