Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
