I puked a lego.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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