in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
