you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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