I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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