I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
