Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
