I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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