I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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