she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just gargled with NyQuil
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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