TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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