I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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