U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
