i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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