Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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