: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
