I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
