Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
