Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
