Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
