oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
