maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
