She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
