he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
