remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
