I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
