i just wanna soil my oats bro
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
