I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
