pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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