he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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