Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
