I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
