It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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