My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
