When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
