hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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