We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
