evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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