Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
