You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
