you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
