Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
