I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
