I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Operation Purity has been aborted
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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