so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
