Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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