So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
