i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
