I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
